Extra 1

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Husbands’ 100-Question Aptitude Test: Part I

[Please note that this extra is meant to be a fun interjection and is outside the scope of the main story, which continues in the next post.]

1. Could you please introduce yourselves first?

ZLY: My name is Zhang Lingyi. Everyone calls me elegant, charming, and charismatic!

WGN: I’m Wang Guangning. Everyone calls me handsome, debonair, and very clever!

Ah Zhi [the author]: = = + Charismatic and Clever, how do you do!

Hkt: Wow, is this a new duo? Welcome to our Vietnamese Heavenly Group, mwah!

ZLY, WGN: ……

2. Age this year?

ZLY: My zodiac sign is the tiger!

WGN: ……

ZLY: Shoushou, why aren’t you answering?

WGN: …… Rabbit.

ZLY: Pooh——*cough cough*, this shows that we’re a match made in heaven! The old saying is right …… tiger gong and rabbit shou make the best pair!

Ah Zhi: Which saying is this? Never heard of it ……

ZLY: Get lost!

3. Your best asset?

ZLY: Looks good!

WGN: Smart!

Ah Zhi: You guys really dare to say this ……

4. The other’s best asset?

WGN: Cooks well.

ZLY: Has manners. *unhappy* ……

5. When did you first meet?

WGN, ZLY: Military training in the first year of university.

6. First impression of each other?

ZLY: *Cough* …… Egomaniac!

WGN: …… Yeah, ugly freak!

ZLY: Shoushou, you must have been mistaken, that must have been the person next to me!

WGN: Next to you? Who’s that?

ZLY: Li Sihong. [see chapter 14]

Ah Zhi: You’re still not letting off this person, huh ……

7. What do you usually call each other?

ZLY: Shoushou.

WGN: Zhang Lingyi.

ZLY: Not sweet at all. Shoushou, do call me husband [lit. old gong — pun on “husband”] from now on!

WGN: How does calling you eunuch [lit. gong gong — pun on “eunuch”] sound?

ZLY: Uh, sounds bad.

8. What would you choose as a gift for each other?

ZLY: SpongeBob SquarePants!

WGN: ……

ZLY: Hahahahaha, all shoushou‘s don’t have a conscience. You truly don’t know what I like!

WGN *red-faced*: Isn’t it me!

ZLY: Then, gimme now! Come, just one mwah ~

WGN: Get outta here!

9. Where did you go for your first date? What did you do?

ZLY: Went on a walk ……

WGN: Bought couple outfits ……

10. What was your mood at the time?

WGN: Why weren’t there SpongeBob SquarePants couple outfits! *Angry* (╰_╯)#

ZLY: Good thing we didn’t buy SpongeBob SquarePants couple outfits …… post-traumatic stress!

WGN: Zhang Lingyi!

ZLY: Ah! It’s deep regret!

Ah Zhi: Zhang Lingyi, you are truly are henpecked [lit. by the shou instead of the wife] ~

11. Who confessed first?

WGN: Him, of course! *proud*

ZLY: But the very first to want to confess was him, only that he wasn’t able to say it ~

Ah Zhi: Zhang Lingyi, you still dare to speak of it!

WGN: Zhang! Ling! Yu!

ZLY: No, nothing like that! I’m the one who confessed first! I coveted Shoushou’s beauty, and couldn’t extricate myself ~

12. If you suspect the other of a change of heart, what would you do?

ZLY: Shoushou would definitely not be unfaithful to me!

WGN: Yup, burst his chrysanthemum once, then break up!

Ah Zhi: Could you be more reserved, please, our school’s handsome guy ~

WGN: Yup, reservedly burst his chrysanthemum!

ZLY: Shoushou, don’t worry, I will only love you my whole life! *serious face*

13. Could you forgive the other for a change of heart?

ZLY: Shoushou will definitely not be unfaithful to me!

WGN: Yes, if he changes gender!

ZLY: Shoushou, don’t worry, I will only love you my whole life! *serious face*

14. Have you had an argument?

WGN: Often!

ZLY: Beatings express closeness and scoldings express affection! [allusion to an idiom about flirting through bantering]

WGN: Come, lemme have a kiss [pun on the word for “closeness”]!

ZLY: Wow, Shoushou is taking the lead! *brings face over*

*pia*—

ZLY: Shoushou, why did you hit me?

WGN: Beatings express closeness!

ZLY: ……

15. What do you argue about?

WGN: Of course, it’s when he comes up with fanciful ideas.

Ah Zhi: Such as?

WGN: Sometimes, he would have the unrealistic thought that he’s more handsome than me!

ZLY: Shoushou, you shouldn’t take advantage of the fact that I love you to suppress me!

WGN: Then between us, who’s more handsome?

ZLY: …… You.

16. How do you show that you love him?

WGN: Cook for him!

ZLY: …… Eat the food that he cooks.

Ah Zhi: They truly love each other, yeah ~

17. Do you get a sense of inferiority when you’re together?

ZLY, WGN: I’m afraid he’ll feel inferior.

Ah Zhi: Could you be more shameless?

18. Are you the shou or the gong?

WGN: I’m the gong!

ZLY: *cough* I’m the gong at home, and act as the shou outside!

Love him, so pretend to be shou for him!

19. This question is for Wang Guangning — if Zhang Lingyi and SpongeBob SquarePants both fall into the water at the same time, who would you save?

WGN: Call him to help me save SpongeBob SquarePants.

ZLY: T T Shoushou, SpongeBob SquarePants wouldn’t be afraid of the water ……

WGN: Oh, that’s right.

Ah Zhi: Hahahahaha ……

20. What can’t you stand about each other the most?

WGN: Childish!

ZLY: Unwilling to be childish with me!

Ah Zhi: What counts as being childish with you?

ZLY: Play Plants vs. Zombies with me, pretend to be Chomper protected by Peanut.

WGN: It’s Wall-nut, thanks!

21. What does the other do that makes you really happy?

WGN: Admit that I’m more handsome and smarter than him.

ZLY: T T If Shoushou is happy, then I’m happy!

22. If the other person is late for a date by more than an hour, what would you do?

ZLY: Wait until he turns up ……

WGN: Yup, he’d probably turn up only an hour earlier!

23. When did you first feel moved by the other person?

ZLY: Should be when we went star-gazing together. That time, I … got hard!

WGN: +1.

Ah Zhu: You guys are so bold!

24. When did you think he might not love you anymore?

ZLY: When he’s with SpongeBob SquarePants?

WGN: When he was with Luo Zihui.

Ah Zhu: Kneel quickly, Zhang Lingyi!

ZLY: QAQ You still remember after so many years ……

25. So, is Dafa’s surname Zhang or Wang?

WGN: Wang, of course.

ZLY: …… Wang …… ba …… [together, the homophone for sonafabtch]

WGN: You’re the SOB! Your whole family’s full of SOBs!

ZLY: Shoushou, don’t say it like that — you’re my whole family now!

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