Chapter 10

I turned eight. My older sister is ten. Despite her silent beauty, like a doll, she never says anything nice when she opens her mouth.

Days of enduring her constant nagging continued, and one day, my patience finally snapped.

"Sister, you're so nagging. If you dislike me so much, just leave me alone. It's a bad character to toy with people like that. I hate you!!"

I shouted, exploding with anger. It was the first time I had ever told my sister I hated her. Even though I was the one who had said it, those words cut deep into my heart. My sister looked at me with cold, glass-like eyes.

"...I know. I know that."

She didn't respond with anger or heightened emotion, just a cold voice. Her calm reaction made me feel rejected, and I cried. My sister must hate me. She must hate me, which is why she nags me so much, and why she reacted so coldly when I said I hated her. I wanted her to cry and be hurt by me. I wanted her to be deeply moved by my existence.

But my sister didn't cry, didn't scream, and didn't nag. She just walked back to her room without a word. My sister didn't come out for dinner.

"What's wrong with Loretta?"

Father looked puzzled. My sister is usually healthy and always eats properly.

"Seems like she's not feeling well," Mother said worriedly. Could it be because I told her I hated her? A mix of guilt and joy welled up inside me. I was happy to think that my sister was hurt by my words. I timidly confessed to Father and Mother that I had fought with my sister and told her I hated her. Father looked up at the sky with a "whoops" expression.

"Well... Loretta must have been shocked."

"It can't be helped. That child is hard to understand."

"You really messed up, Alte."

I felt a sense of sympathy. Why did they feel sympathy for me?

My sister didn't show up for three days. After three days, she appeared and nagged me as usual, but it seemed like there was less emotion in her nagging, which made me uneasy. I had a feeling that I had made a big mistake. My sister started to interact with me less frequently and began to make friends with others. The person she became close to was Prince Josephine, the crown prince of our country. My sister met Prince Josephine about once a week. I hate Prince Josephine. He smiles and compliments my sister, saying she's beautiful and cute, even when she insults him. I think my sister is beautiful too, but she always insults me when she sees my face, so I can't say such things. I hate Prince Josephine for easily praising my sister and sometimes holding her hand.

One day, Father said,

"Prince Josephine seems to want Loretta as his fiancée."

I felt very unpleasant.

"Well, what about the people around him?"

"It seems they are opposed. Loretta has a unique attitude. The king is saying that if Prince Josephine insists, he'll ask us."

My sister is getting married... My heart turned black.

"What do you want, Loretta?"

Mother asked my sister.

"Well... 'I'm against it.'"

I interrupted her before she could speak.

"A woman as arrogant, with a bad character, and of low morals as my sister would bring the royal family's dignity into question. I cannot agree to burden the royal family with our family's shame."

I spoke harshly, belittling my sister.

My sister said, "Yes... You're right. I would have said the same thing," and refused the proposal, retreating to her room. I was hit by Father for the first time.

"Do you know why you were hit?"

"...Because I said bad things about my sister."

"Why did you say such things?"

"..."

I couldn't answer. When I thought about my sister getting married, a dark passion surged through me, and I spoke without thinking. I don't know why I said such things. While my sister's character is far from good, I know it's an exaggeration to call her of low morals. But I just didn't want her to get married.

"You'll definitely regret it if you don't realize this. I hit you because you're an idiot."

Father coldly rejected me.

I don't understand. I don't understand. When it comes to my sister, I can't stay calm. I think I should just leave her alone since I hate her, but I can't. I hated my sister even more for confusing my heart.

In the end, the talks with the royal family fell through. Prince Josephine became engaged to Beatrice, and a small sense of peace returned to my heart.

My sister, perhaps out of consideration for Beatrice, stopped meeting Prince Josephine. She spent more time in her room and didn't see me as much. When we did meet, she still nagged me, but my heart felt hollow.

Ah, I hate my sister, I hate her, I hate her... But I want to see her face.

I feel frustrated and restless because I can't control my own heart.