Chapter 6

Miyu wanted to be adored by everyone.

She hated her plain self in middle school. She hated glasses the most.

"---You were much cuter back then."

Upon hearing those words, I couldn't move from the classroom.

A shock ran through my body.

Even though I had become much cuter than before...

I stood alone, staring at the entrance of the classroom.

A confusing emotion swirled inside me. It felt disgusting.

I didn't want to have a falling out with Shin-kun either...

...I was so happy to be in the same class as Shin-kun in high school. Although Shin-kun usually had a gloomy face, his rare smiles were very charming.

My judgment wasn't wrong.

The sharp-eyed girls had already confessed to the high-spec Shin-kun.

...A bad feeling welled up inside me. Shin-kun... I was the first to become friends with him.

Where did I go wrong?

**********

In middle school, I was happy to spend time with Shin-kun in the library.

Shin-kun didn't have any friends, perhaps because of the rumors from elementary school.

He looked plain but had a very beautiful face.

He was bright and very funny when he talked.

Going to the library became a daily pleasure.

Back then, I wore dorky glasses, my skirt was long, and my hair was in a weird braid.

Shin-kun was very kind to me, even though I was called ugly behind my back.

It happened suddenly. After the earthquake stopped, Shin-kun came at me.

"Saito-san!!"

He fell on top of me, and I panicked. It was terrifying... even if we were good friends, in front of so many students...

After a while, Shin-kun slowly got up.

I was in a daze.

Shin-kun's face was pale, and blood was flowing from his head. I noticed the students blaming Shin-kun.

Then... everyone started to worry about me.

"Are you okay? Saito-san?"

"Let's go to the infirmary."

"Are you hurt? Do you want some water? Did he touch you inappropriately?"

I, who was shy, couldn't respond properly.

"Um, a, ah, yes... I, I'm fine... Shin-kun is hurt... Ah, glasses, glasses..."

The students' attitude cooled down.

Even without glasses, I could tell. I was scared by the atmosphere.

"Leave that guy alone. ...Glasses...? Wait, are you really Saito?"

"That's impossible, suddenly attacking someone..."

"I'll go to the infirmary with you."

"Wow, you look cuter without glasses."

Everyone was worried about me.

It felt like I was the protagonist in a novel. Everyone adored me and treated me with care.

It was very fresh and... exciting.

So, I missed the chance to ask Shin-kun about his actions... I knew in my head that the kind Shin-kun wouldn't attack me. But...

Shin-kun was weakly defending himself against the students' accusations, but his eyes had no light.

There were rumors about Shin-kun. In elementary school, he had hit a girl and injured her... and there were many others. I couldn't believe those rumors, but...

Because I was plain, I understood. If I stood up for Shin-kun here...

I would be attacked for not reading the room.

---It's okay, I'm sure I'll have a chance to talk to Shin-kun later.

So, I went with the flow.

In the end, I never had a chance to talk to him until graduation...

After that incident, I transformed and enjoyed school life.

The memory of being attacked by Shin-kun faded to the back of my mind.

I made friends with the top-tier girls in the class. I learned makeup and fashion.

Everyone said I was cute. Hearing those words made me feel elated. I even received my first confession, but I turned it down because he wasn't as cool as Shin-kun.

Everyone adored me.

I didn't want to go back to being the plain library girl.

After the graduation ceremony, a plain girl approached me. She reminded me of my old self.

"Saito-san, I can finally say this... Back then... Shin-kun was protecting you and got hurt... Sorry, I was scared of the atmosphere back then..."

She said that and ran away.

At first, I didn't understand what she meant.

It gradually sank in.

I understood intellectually, but... it was too late now... Those days with Shin-kun...

At that moment, Shin-kun passed in front of me.

He didn't look at me at all. His gaze was fixed straight ahead.

Seeing Shin-kun---memories of the library flooded back.

A peaceful, gentle space, very... enjoyable... and my heart was pounding...

"Hey, Miyu! Hurry up and let's go to the after-party!"

A group of girls called me from a distance.

I didn't hate them. ...But... those times were different. When I was with Shin-kun, there were no awkward moments. The girls were all selfish.

We were friendly on the surface, but when someone was alone, we would gossip about them.

I had stepped into a very... complicated world.

"...Why... did Miyu... not talk to Shin-kun immediately..."

Regret washed over me. Why didn't I talk to Shin-kun right away... How stupid... I was.

I didn't try to understand the truth, I just went with the flow and enjoyed it.

Even though he protected me...

Shin-kun's face, bleeding from the head, flashed in my mind.

At that moment, I understood. This vague feeling and pounding heart... it was my first love.

I followed Shin-kun with my eyes.

Shin-kun was trying to leave the school alone. Where were his parents? His sister? Why was he alone?

"Shin-kun!! Wait!!"

Shin-kun must have heard me, but he didn't turn around.

"Miyu, you're so slow! Hurry up!"

I could only hear the annoyed voices of my friends.

---Yeah, we're in the same high school, so I'll have a chance to apologize. ...It's okay, I won't make the same mistake next time.

"Sorry, I'm coming right away!!"

I headed towards the group of friends.

**********

"I was completely wrong from the start... I'm such an idiot..."

Even though we were in the same class, Shin-kun wouldn't even look at me.

I wanted him to see how I had changed.

After my incident, I heard many bad rumors about him, but I didn't believe them.

I mustered the courage to talk to him, and Shin-kun smiled.

I was overjoyed just by that.

I thought it was strange that he used formal language.

When I started talking excitedly, his smile seemed forced.

I panicked, thinking I had upset him.

I wanted to apologize but ended up saying unnecessary things out of nervousness.

I couldn't stop talking. I didn't want to be disliked.

I wanted to be friends.

Suddenly, I realized that Shin-kun was smiling but not really smiling.

I couldn't feel his warmth. He wasn't looking at me at all.

When we talked just now, I was strongly convinced.

---Shin-kun... it's because of me... he became like this...

I wanted to apologize. I wanted to tell him what I believed.

"It's Miyu's fault, I'm such an idiot..."

The entrance of the classroom I was staring at was empty.

If I had talked to Shin-kun right away back then?

If I hadn't panicked?

If I had believed in Shin-kun?

If I hadn't distanced myself from Shin-kun?

If I had---properly confessed?

"Hic... I know... hic... It was my fault... I was too scared to say anything but jokes..."

I'm such an idiot. I even prepared glasses, thinking he would be happy...

Regret and emotions washed over me like waves.

I couldn't stop the rising feelings. I couldn't stop the tears.

"Shin-kun... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm really, really sorry..."

I repeated those words like a broken machine.

A broken relationship can't be fixed.

A broken past can't be erased.

Shin-kun's wounds won't heal.

We can't go back to the same days.

Shin-kun---probably won't forgive me.

I even messed up the timing to apologize...

---Even if I try to go back to the same relationship now---it's too late...

I realized this for the first time, sobbing uncontrollably.