Chapter 9

"Ah, ahh... Big brother came back with a friend..."

I was casually looking out the window when I saw big brother with a beautiful woman... the rumored delinquent girl.

The shock was so great that I threw my pajamas, which I had just changed into, and sat in the middle of the room in seiza.

"There shouldn't be any friends... I thought it was just him putting on a brave face..."

My chest ached... a long-forgotten feeling... jealousy...

When I was a child, I really liked big brother. I always wanted to bother him when he played with his childhood friend, Shizuka.

When rumors about big brother spread at school, I told my mother out of amusement.

Because I thought if I did, big brother would play with me...

I know everyone thinks I'm a silly child.

But that was fine. If I acted silly, everyone would love me.

Acting silly, I lost sight of who I really was...

Big brother stopped talking to Shizuka. In fact, he stopped talking to anyone.

I didn't like the dark big brother. It was boring to go out with him.

No matter what I said, he didn't react. I got irritated and eventually it became normal for me to speak harshly to big brother.

Mother and Father were kind to me, but the one they really expected was big brother...

They only thought of me as a doll.

And somewhere along the line, I thought if I became kind, big brother would easily fall for me. It's the contrast, the contrast.

Even in middle school, the bad rumors about big brother kept increasing.

I don't know if they were true.

Mother started scolding big brother harshly, and I followed suit, unable to stop myself.

Father was different. He was strict but tried to treat big brother normally.

But that caused him to have a bad relationship with Mother.

...Now he's on a business trip far away... If he had stayed at home...

I can't organize my thoughts.

Big brother outside looked calm.

I hadn't seen that face since I was a child!

Big brother became darker but also more handsome. His school grades improved dramatically, and he transformed into a proud big brother.

I thought it was time to get along around the time I graduated middle school.

I mistimed my kindness... If I had been kind earlier...

I should have reconciled earlier.

But the silly me couldn't do that.

Calculating the timing itself made me a real fool...

Since then, every time I tried to get close to big brother, my heart was hurt.

Because... big brother... looks at me like a stranger.

I talked to him many times.

All the responses were empty.

Still, I didn't give up. I could be even sillier. I could forget the sad feelings by sleeping.

"Why is he with a delinquent girl... She has such a bad reputation! ...Well, I'll talk to big brother first."

My heart sank.

Regret weighed heavily on my body.

Why do I feel like this?

Where did I go wrong?

...Does big brother think I believe the rumors?

It was just a joke... Big brother... was I too late?

I definitely said it was a joke...

--I know the truth. Even as family, I was a fool for believing the rumors, even as a joke--

I ran out of the room without putting on my pajama bottoms.

Big brother was about to open the door to his room.

"Big brother! T, today I bought your favorite mochi! L, let's eat it together--"

Big brother just bowed deeply to me.

"Haruka, I'm full. Good night."

He was definitely smiling. But that smile made my heart hurt... as if he didn't see me as family.

When did it start? Big brother calls me Haruka. It... made me feel a great distance... and my chest hurt.

The door closed quietly.

I stood in the hallway, my underwear exposed.

"It's okay, it's okay, Haruka will forget by sleeping. ...So, it's okay. Nnnn--!"

I slapped my buttocks with both hands to muster my courage and went back to my room.

***

"Great job on the update! This one was brighter and made me feel happy! ...Take care of your health and keep it up! I'm cheering for you!"

It had become a daily routine.

Checking my phone before morning homeroom. Pomeko's message was always there.

A few days had passed since that day, but Shinzaki and I hadn't spoken at school.

I don't know Shinzaki's reason, but we both felt betrayed by someone we trusted.

I had no intention of making friends.

After checking my phone, I took out a book.

Shinzaki was also reading a book at the next desk.

It was a quiet space.

That was comfortable for us.

During the homeroom at the end of the day, we discussed the class trip groups.

The teacher just said to form groups casually and left it to the class committee.

The class committee awkwardly presented a proposal from the podium.

After various discussions, it was decided that we could form groups as we liked.

The classmates were happily forming groups.

Only Shinzaki and I remained still.

We were bound to be left out. We would have to act alone.

So we just waited for time to pass.

A big sigh came from next to me.

At the same time, Shinzaki stood up, making a loud noise with the chair.

"Hah... Can't be helped."

After glaring at me, Shinzaki stomped over to the blackboard.

The class committee was intimidated by Shinzaki.

The classmates also buzzed.

"Eh, are you dissatisfied?"

"Super scary!"

"He's probably going to skip the trip."

Shinzaki bowed to the teacher and snatched the chalk from the class committee.

"Ah!?"

"What? Shut up. I want to go home quickly."

He quickly wrote on the blackboard with the chalk.

Surprisingly, he wrote 'Shinzaki, Nishimura' in large, neat letters and circled it.

Saito let out a scream-like voice.

"Eh...!? Why!?! ...As expected..."

Ignoring such voices, Shinzaki said to the teacher.

"This is our group. No complaints, right? It's fine to be two, we're both outcasts anyway."

"Eh, a, teacher..."

The flustered class committee sought help from the teacher.

The teacher's tone suggested there was no problem.

"---It's fine to be two. This is decided. Dismissed!"

Shinzaki snorted and returned to his seat...

Why did he decide on his own?

We weren't...

After sitting down, Shinzaki said to me.

"I don't intend to get along... I just wanted to go home quickly."

"Right... Well, it's fine."

The homeroom ended, and Shinzaki and I left the classroom early.

We walked separate paths. We weren't friends.

But...

"Why did you put us in the same group!?! Pomeko!"

"What? It was troublesome! Besides, if I hadn't, you would have ended up in a weird group, right!?"

"...That's true. I'd rather not be in Saito's group."

"Right? Nyanta, be more assertive."

"I'm not a delinquent like Pomeko... Let's stop talking about school."

"Right..."

I know the loneliness of a solo class trip.

Everyone is having fun with their friends, and the overwhelming sense of exclusion and loneliness is hard to shake.

No matter how many times I experienced it, I never got used to it.

We were in the food court of a rundown shopping center.

We didn't plan it, but Pomeko is usually here.

I'm not here to meet Shinzaki. It's just that writing progresses better here than at home.

Pomeko was typing on the keyboard while drinking juice.

"So, how's the latest chapter? And what about the book deal?"

"Tonight's part is done. Just need to proofread. About the book deal..."

Honestly, I'm conflicted. It's a great honor. It's wonderful that my novel will be published.

But I'm a minor. I don't want to cause trouble for my family.

"Take your time. You're meeting your sister the day after tomorrow, right? She's a bit scatterbrained, but her passion for work is real. ...That's why she doesn't have a boyfriend."

What is it? Shinzaki seems less intimidating when talking to Pomeko.

Even now, I can feel his affection for Sae.

"Yeah, you really like your sister."

"Y, you idiot!?! N, not that... well, she's family."

"Right, family..."

I wonder how Father is doing. I haven't seen him in a long time... If he were here, would he have agreed?

"Hey, Nyanta! Don't look so gloomy! Come on, let's battle!"

"What's the topic?"

"Hmm, how about the class trip?"

"Got it, 500 words okay?"

"Sure, I won't lose!"

We write short stories and have my sister evaluate them to see who wins.

A battle only Pomeko and I can have.

I don't intend to get close. I'm sure Shinzaki feels the same deep down.

--I'm afraid of being betrayed.

So I'm careful not to get too involved...

"Yay!!! I won in speed!"

"Pomeko, your sentence endings are weird."

"Shut up! Show me what you've got, Nyanta!"

We exchanged phones. I've never given my phone to anyone before. It was scary.

I've had it taken before. I never want to remember that again.

Pomeko's expression while reading my short story on my phone... looked very... happy.

I touched my face, feeling something was off.

My face was twisted.

No, I was... smiling.

So... I'm... having fun now...

Even though I should be having fun, something was welling up from deep inside.

I tried hard to suppress it while reading Pomeko's short story...

Pomeko's carefree words were hard to bear.

"What? Are you about to cry, Nyanta? Great! It's a masterpiece, right!"

I... answered honestly.

"Yeah, it really is. ...Pomeko is amazing. Haha."

"Hehe... Right..."

Pomeko's gentle smile seeped into my heart.