Chapter 99

It seems that I woke up from a nightmare on Christmas night.

I fell asleep looking forward to the game event, and then woke up right away. I got out of bed, checked the date, and turned on my PC. In the end, I couldn’t go back to sleep, and it became morning.

School is already on winter break.

I was already decided to be held back because I didn’t have enough attendance days, and I intended to drop out.

Was that definitely a dream…? But, I certainly have memories of spending time there. It felt too real to be a dream. But…

“What a dream-like time it was…”

That’s for sure. It was really fun and very happy. Compared to my current life as a hikikomori high school girl in Japan, I was so proactive and active back then.

“Leaving on a journey at four years old…”

It was a decision I made, but thinking about it, it was a surprising decision. Even if I said I wanted to do something like that in Japan, I would definitely be told to wait until I was older.

But… my parents allowed me to do it. And Samiue-chan came with me.

Carries-chan, whom I met on the journey, was a regal princess, and Pio-chan was a cool knight. Hasano-chan was a noble queen, and Moot-chan was the dragon I admired. Karigano-chan was bright and encouraging to be around.

“Was everyone just a part of my imagination…?”

—That can’t be.

Feeling dazed, I searched my sweatpants pocket and felt something hard…

“Oh, the reverse scale.”

When I took it out, it was a black scale. It wasn’t shining, but this is the reverse scale.

…Everyone was there. I think this is proof.

But, the days passed as they were…

“I’m going now.”

“…Be careful.”

“Do you want me to see you off part of the way?”

“No, it’s okay.”

Early January, the winter break was over. I was about to leave home to go to high school.

My parents, who didn’t expect me to say I would go to school, called out worriedly from the entrance.

…Taking a step out of the entrance. I was always afraid of this.

Even if I managed to leave the house, I often stopped in my tracks and couldn’t move forward.

My parents probably didn’t think I would really make it to school.

But… now, I am…

“See you later.”

The uniform I’ve only worn a few times is still new. The designated leather shoes are still shiny.

I don’t know what subjects are being taught today. Just stationery and a clear file. I put on my almost empty backpack and went outside. I feel like I can manage the opening ceremony.

“It’s cold.”

A winter morning. The air is cold. Even with a new scarf and gloves, the wind hitting my cheeks is painful.

Ah…

“The scenery in Japan…”

Straight white lines on black asphalt. Black wires hanging from gray utility poles, and sparrows with puffed-up winter feathers perched on them. Looking up and exhaling, the air turned into a white mist.

“…Beautiful.”

I was supposed to hate going to school, but my heart is calm.

I thought I could at least try going once.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been away from the obligation of going to school for what feels like four years, or maybe it’s because the memories I have are affecting my feelings.

Actually… I’m not unafraid.

Even if I go to school at this time, I won’t fit in with the class, and I won’t understand the lessons. I won’t make any friends, and I’ll just get looks like, “What are you doing here?” But…

“Let’s just go with it, right?”

In my memories, I said this energetically, full of enthusiasm.

I’m completely different from the me in those memories, but saying it out loud seems to give me courage.

I left home quite early because I thought I might get tired from my first day back. I stopped a few times on the way, but if I get to the nearby bus stop, it’s just one bus ride to the high school. After a thirty-minute ride, I’ll be at school.

My chest is pounding with tension, and cold sweat is dripping from my hands. My face is down, but I somehow managed to move my feet.

“Let’s just go with it… Let’s just go with it…”

I muttered it like a spell and moved forward. I don’t think anyone can entrust anything to someone like me, but saying it made me feel brave.

I’m glad I left home early.

Since there aren’t many students around, I could sneak in at my own pace. Then, I walked to my classroom based on my memories. Third floor of the West building. Right after the stairs. That’s my classroom. 1-5.

All I have to do is… open the door and enter the classroom.

…Will my seat still be there?

I’ve been absent for a long time. It might be gone. …What should I do? Should I have talked to a teacher in the staff room first? Ah, but if the teacher looked at me with a troubled face…

My thoughts were going around in circles.

Suddenly, the door opened with a loud creak.

“Good morning.”

The girl standing there was wearing the same uniform as me. She had black hair tied into two braids on the sides, and she looked very kind and cute. She was probably a classmate. I might have seen her face before if we were in the same class, but I didn’t recognize her and didn’t know her name.

“Oh, um, ah… Good morning.”

I was surprised and, being shy, mumbled a greeting.

The girl smiled.

“Your seat is over here.”

She said this and guided me.

It seems she knew I was a classmate who had been absent and was treating me accordingly.

“Um… I’m sorry.”

I caused trouble on my first day back. Feeling inadequate, I apologized, and my chest ached. …Am I just going to say “I’m sorry” again?

I’ve always been apologizing… and that’s it…

My thoughts spiraled into a dark place. But, suddenly—

“I love you,” “You can do anything!” “Impressive!” “Make me happy…” “I was saved by you,” “You’re so cute!!” “I’ll come back to see you!” “Being with you is great!”

—I heard everyone’s voices.

Me, who only fails. Me, who only causes trouble.

And… everyone wasn’t perfect either. But, I didn’t mind that. So…

“Um, thank you for being so kind…”

Being together and helping each other.

It’s not about being perfect together. Even if we make mistakes, if we can support each other… I…

My words made the girl smile again.

“Yes. If you need help, please let me know.”

“Oh, um, I… I can help too if there’s anything…”

I said this and quickly sat down at the seat she guided me to, hurriedly putting down my backpack.

There’s probably nothing I can do to help as a hikikomori. I think it’s presumptuous to offer, but I wanted to say it. Saying it made me feel overwhelmed with anxiety, and I couldn’t even think straight.

Despite my suspicious behavior, the girl didn’t seem to react strangely. Then, she sat down next to me…

“My name is Shiori.”

“Um…”

I was surprised by her introduction and my gaze wandered.

But, I don’t think it was in a bad way. So, I cautiously looked at her. The girl’s eyes… didn’t look annoyed. They were still kind and gentle.

Encouraged by this, I carefully and politely responded.

“…Shiori-chan?”

“Yes. I’m your neighbor. Nice to meet you.”

“Oh, um… I’m…”

My name is…

“Rina.”

“…Rina-san, then.”

The girl… Shiori-chan, nodded.

Then, she slowly continued the conversation to match my nervousness.

Soon, other classmates started to arrive, and some looked surprised when they saw me. I could hear them talking about me.

“Coming so late,” “You’re being held back,” and so on.

I don’t think the people saying these things had any ill intentions. They were just confirming my presence, which was different from usual.

“Rina-san, the opening ceremony is in the auditorium. Let’s go together.”

“I’m sorry… No, um… thank you.”

Shiori-chan called out to me brightly, drowning out the voices.

I automatically apologized, but I shook my head slightly and changed it to a thank you. What I wanted to say was…

Not “I’m sorry for being like this,” but “Thank you for being so kind.”

“I think there are many things Rina-san isn’t used to. If you need anything, I’m here.”

Shiori-chan smiled.

The world sparkled.

In the winter classroom, the fifth seat from the front by the window. …The kind words of the girl next to me.

From then on, a different school life awaited me.