Chapter 100

Shinaeulm held her breath.

When she first entered Garo Entertainment and saw the lineup of members, she thought, "It's fine, right?"

Everyone's looks were flawless. She believed their skills would be just as impressive.

Rika had been a trainee at a major agency and made it to the debut group.

Baegyulha had been an idol in the past and even became a temporary trainer at a famous academy through her own efforts.

Joara said she had only danced and eaten for years, and had won several dance competitions.

Janghayang seemed to have studied acting for about a year.

"Acting is important too. Facial expressions are crucial, and if she studied acting, she must have practiced a lot of movements."

That's what she thought, but...

"What is this?"

This was Shinaeulm's reaction after seeing Janghayang's skills.

There was no other way to describe it.

It was as if they had grabbed a random civilian and put her in the practice room. Of course, she was better than that, but she didn't seem like a trainee about to debut.

"Is she just a visual member?"

Well, she could understand that.

She could gain popularity with her looks and fit in during performances.

It would be good to push her in acting later.

In any case, she would still be a helpful member for the group.

But...

"What the hell? The parts in the song were distributed fairly, right?"

Shouldn't they have reduced Janghayang's part, who clearly had the weakest vocal skills?

She could stand out in the rap part, and they could give her a minimal role in the rest.

What was this?

Moreover...

"The choreography?"

She received the same amount of choreography as the others, and it wasn't even of lower difficulty.

In the end, Janghayang wasn't "accommodated."

Despite having the weakest skills...

"What the hell is this?"

No.

There's still hope.

Janghayang will improve with practice. At least to a level where she can harmonize with the other members, where she won't disrupt the group.

"Damn it..."

But that wasn't the case.

It had been almost two months since they started practicing.

Look at Janghayang now.

What the hell is this?

"I've bet my life on being an idol. I have to be in the same group as her? I have to bet my life on someone like her?"

She wanted to blame someone.

She wanted to blame, but she stopped at just wanting to, because she saw Janghayang's efforts.

She practiced and worked hard to the point where Shinaeulm felt guilty.

But still, to be at this level... Shinaeulm felt like biting her tongue and collapsing.

So she tried to persuade Joara and mustered the courage to talk to Seong Pil.

"Can we reduce Hyang-ssi's dance parts?"

It didn't work at all. So she also tried to persuade Baegyulha.

She waited until the atmosphere was right.

When the members started to feel uneasy about Janghayang's growth.

Shinaeulm had a private conversation with Janghayang and brought up the topic naturally.

"Hyang-ssi, wouldn't it be better to reduce your parts if you're struggling?"

Fortunately, Janghayang was a reasonable person.

She knew her limits.

That's why she agreed.

"Sure. I'll talk to the manager."

Finally!

Now everything would be resolved.

The debut would go smoothly.

Janghayang wouldn't receive unnecessary hate comments due to her lack of skills.

Criticism of an individual quickly turns into criticism of the group.

While one person's popularity doesn't necessarily benefit the group, criticism affects the entire group.

"Now everything is resolved."

But the words that came out of Janghayang's mouth after meeting Seong Pil were...

"What? Your judgment?"

Shinaeulm threw down the towel and approached Janghayang.

Baegyulha, sensing the tension, blocked Shinaeulm's path.

"Aeulm, stop it."

"Teacher, I really want to be an idol. No, I don't just want to be one; I want to be an idol that everyone looks up to. But, an idol is a team, right? A team is something that only works when everyone is equal, right?"

"Aeulm, let's go to the room. Let's cool off and talk."

"If it's not equal, someone should take on more responsibility. Or make sacrifices. We shouldn't cause harm."

"Shinaeulm."

Baegyulha's tone lowered.

It meant she wouldn't tolerate any more talk.

Shinaeulm was satisfied with what she had said. The others would understand her point of view.

"Yes, I understand. I'm sorry. I'll go in..."

"Aeulm, you're right."

Shinaeulm was about to drop the argument, but Janghayang wouldn't let her.

"I'm the weakest. I'm the worst. I'll be a burden to the team. I know."

"Ha, Ha, Hyang-ssi..."

Rika fidgeted around Janghayang.

"No, Hyang-ssi can do it."

"Right. Hyang, don't say that."

Baegyulha was also startled by Janghayang's self-deprecation and tried to comfort her.

"We believe in you..."

"I know you don't."

Janghayang cut Baegyulha off. Baegyulha froze.

"I know how you all look at me during practice. You're worried, right? I know, I do. I'm not stupid. I can read people's emotions. Just because I laugh like an idiot doesn't mean I'm an idiot. Don't lie to me."

"..."

It was no joke.

She wasn't angry at Shinaeulm's words or trying to gain sympathy through self-deprecation.

This was Janghayang's true feelings.

That's why no one could easily contradict or comfort her.

"At least, I don't want to hear lies from you. Lying to me is more hurtful."

Janghayang walked past Baegyulha and stood in front of Shinaeulm.

Shinaeulm met Janghayang's intimidating gaze without flinching.

"Aeulm, thank you for being honest. I feel a bit better."

"..."

Janghayang smiled.

"I won't give up on anything."

She said that and walked past Shinaeulm into her room.

The only thing left in the room where Janghayang had been was a faint smell of alcohol.

* * *

Seong Pil bowed to Hong Gyuheon.

"President, can you trust Hayang? Although I can't give you a definite answer now, she can do it. If you trust her and keep your expectations, Hayang will definitely..."

Silence filled the meeting room.

Even Son Hyebeen, who had watched Janghayang's practice, found it hard to agree with Seong Pil's words.

"Seong Pil."

Son Hyebeen carefully started the conversation, not wanting to upset him.

"Hayang... well, it's the debut song, right? Let's lower our expectations a bit this time. It will be a burden for Hayang. Even Baek Minjeong, the choreographer, said that if this continues, we'll have no choice but to change it."

It was a reasonable argument.

But it wasn't the answer Seong Pil wanted.

Seong Pil ignored Son Hyebeen and continued to bow to Hong Gyuheon.

"Realistically speaking... it would be better to reduce Hayang's parts now."

Min Kyusub offered his opinion, not daring to look at Seong Pil.

Who could easily contradict someone who had thrown away their pride and bowed?

"Even Son PD, who has experience as a dance singer, says this, and the choreographer herself suggests lowering the difficulty. The kids are also... "

Seong Pil still didn't raise his head.

"This isn't a matter of trust."

Han Gugin's tone was firm, despite seeing Seong Pil's humble posture.

Han Gugin was speaking as an executive of Garo Entertainment.

"We need to face reality. If Hayang continues like this, she will be criticized. No, it's clear that she will be criticized."

She would be criticized by the public.

This was a heavier consideration for someone running a company than the opinion of a former dance singer or a choreographer.

"But."

Han Gugin continued.

"I want to trust Manager Park's ability to judge people. I've always trusted him, and I want to trust him this time."

Seong Pil continued to bow.

He didn't move at all, as if he wouldn't raise his head until Hong Gyuheon spoke.

"Manager Park."

Finally, Hong Gyuheon spoke.

Seong Pil raised his head and looked at her.

"Yes."

Hong Gyuheon spoke dryly.

"Get the revised choreography."

Seong Pil's request was denied.

"Commission Baek Minjeong to get the revised version."

"..."

It's over.

Seong Pil saw a future he would regret. Until now, he hadn't seen a future he would regret.

He wasn't sure how, but he was certain that Janghayang would overcome this trial.

He wished others would believe in her too, even if he couldn't provide a valid reason.

"And that revised version will be used if there's no hope in the next 21 days."

Seong Pil was surprised and raised his head.

"21 days, 3 weeks. If there's no hope from Janghayang during this time."

Hong Gyuheon's lips curled up in a bitter smile.

"I have no choice. So, until then."

I also trust Manager Park.

* * *

Every time Janghayang acted, she felt:

"I can't handle this role."

She asked the acting teacher to change her role.

But the teacher said that challenges are also experiences.

It was an experience.

An experience of not being able to do something.

Janghayang had this experience many times. Through trial and error, she realized:

"The time it takes for me to memorize all my lines, understand the character's emotions, and express them is..."

Purely 78 hours.

Janghayang learned to gauge the amount of effort needed to achieve something.

It wasn't a happy realization.

It was despairing.

Despair at her own lack of ability.

But she didn't give up. It meant that with effort, she could reach her goals.

Although she didn't have enough time for everything, it wasn't a reason to give up acting.

"Such a thing is called metacognition."

"Meta?"

"In Korean, we could call it 'super cognition.'"

On the way to the academy, Han Gugin's usual session of interesting but useless trivia began.

"Human abilities are traditionally divided into cognitive, affective, and psychomotor domains. Super cognition belongs to the cognitive domain and is also called higher-order cognition."

"Is it like a superpower?"

"It's cognition about cognition."

"Huh?"

"Um, to put it simply, it's the ability to know what you're doing, what you need to do, and how to do it. It's like the ability to see the goal and the process, as if you were controlling a game character. For example, how many words can you remember if I randomly give you some?"

"Um... six."

When she tried, it was indeed six.

"Janghayang seems to have high metacognitive abilities. Usually, people don't know their own abilities, so they set unrealistic goals or waste effort."

"Ahaha, it feels good to be praised."

Janghayang learned that the ability she thought was just knowing her limits had a grand name: metacognition.

It felt like she had awakened a superpower.

Always feeling inadequate, having a special skill was a source of pride.

"This is the final choreography."

When Janghayang received the choreography, she realized:

"I can't handle this at all."

Digest (消化).

She couldn't fully make it her own.

She could follow it, but she couldn't reach the level of proficiency to call it her own song.

"This part. The dance break. Even if I die and come back to life, I can't..."

She couldn't reach the level of Rika, Baegyulha, Joara, and Shinaeulm.

With only a little over three months until the music video shoot...

But she tried.

"I believe in you, Hayang."

She didn't want to betray Seong Pil's trust, who had said that from the beginning.

She just tried.

But it didn't take long to realize it wouldn't work.

"Let's try it again! That was good!"

Joara was particularly enthusiastic.

She always maintained an overly high energy level and encouraged Janghayang. This only made Janghayang feel worse.

"If this is a dance that Ara loves, I'm ruining it?"

"Here, it looks better if you slightly lower your hips. Yes, like that."

"Ara, no matter how many times you check the details, I can't produce the feeling you want."

"Here, a light hop!"

"Stop it. I don't need you to care anymore."

Janghayang couldn't bring herself to say she couldn't do it, out of respect for the other members.

As time passed, she could sense the anxiety and worry from the members.

What if we fail on the debut stage?

If Janghayang continues like this...

Even during the music video shoot...

Finally, Baegyulha suggested:

"Hayang, if it's too hard..."

The difficulty of the choreography could be reduced.

Though not said, it also implied that her part could be given to someone else.

Janghayang smiled.

"Yes."

Now it's settled.

This is enough.

Even if she doesn't stand out, saving the group's debut stage is important.

Important, but...

"Hayang."

Seong Pil's loving voice echoed in her mind.

Even when they went to the Han River for fun, Seong Pil never mentioned the choreography.

It means he trusts her.

Janghayang blamed herself.

To think of betraying that trust again.

She would continue. She wouldn't give up.

Most importantly, if she started giving up here, she would keep losing her willpower in the future.

She didn't want to lose to herself from the start of her debut.

"I'll practice until dawn from today."

After revealing her determination to the members, Janghayang decided to drastically increase her practice time.

Every day, including weekends, until 3 AM.

She would sleep at the company.

Hong Gyuheon also agreed.

"Alright, let's do it."

Let's try.

Within the 21-day deadline, let's complete it.

Let's surpass the limits.

* * *

17 days had passed.

She realized again:

"It's impossible."

Everything else was fine, but the dance break was not.

The part Joara named the revolver section.

Like the cylinder of a revolver rotating and firing bullets, it was a part where each member's skills were fully displayed.

In the part prepared by Baek Minjeong for Janghayang, she had to feel endless despair.

"Stop pushing yourself."

Janghayang's body screamed.

"This is the price you paid for living a life unrelated to idols until now."

Trying to be like others, isn't that selfish?

The voice in her heart spoke only the truth.

That's why Janghayang closed her heart.

She no longer heard the voice of despair.

"Let's try again."

Idol.

A world she couldn't even imagine a year ago.

Idols were like unreachable buildings, the sky, space, beyond space.

She knew such things existed but thought they had nothing to do with her.

But now, the idol world was right in front of her.

Standing in front of her, too big to ignore.

"Is this what being an idol is like?"

From the moment the dream began, the thought that it couldn't be realized came to mind.

How could someone as ordinary as her receive the love of everyone?

Without the talent and charisma.

"..."

Janghayang wiped the sweat from her chin and stood up.

"I can do it."

20 days had passed.

Only one day was left.

"I can't."

All the movements were ingrained in her body.

She could dance in her sleep.

But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't reach the same level as the other members.

Compared to them, J