Chapter 90

In my private room, with the lights almost off, I was holding my head in my hands.

As the emperor of the great empire, it's a pitiful sight, but as a father, I might be even more pitiful.

"Your Majesty, I'm sorry."

My wife, Lamnia, bowed her head.

A daughter of a duke, she was raised more carefully than I was, the third son of a count.

She was apologizing for the involvement of her family this time and for my son, Asha, making a harsh judgment on his own.

I lifted my face from the sofa where I was sitting and reached out to Lamnia.

Lamnia took my hand in response and sat down next to me.

"You don't need to apologize. That's not it, not at all, but is it really true?"

I couldn't help but ask.

Asha accepted the dispatch of troops and even said he would use it as a weapon.

He's shrewd and smart, but he's still just an eleven-year-old child.

I didn't let him act like a child, and as a parent, his calm demeanor only increased my guilt.

At this moment, Lamnia had brought back a rumor from the duke's house where she was raised.

"Yes, ... they seem to have come up with a plan to separate Asha from the capital, knowing that we were planning a family trip with Asha."

"......Why!?"

My voice became rough.

Lamnia, who was raised carefully, trembled.

"Ah, I'm sorry."

"No, Your Majesty's anger is justified. I also feel so ashamed......"

Lamnia, with tears in her eyes, is kind-hearted.

On the surface, she behaves as a duke's daughter should, but when she relaxes, she's like this.

She's the complete opposite of my former wife from the count's family.

Quiet, a step back, and above all, self-contained.

"Asha might have inherited his mother's personality."

"I've heard she was very intelligent."

"Yes, quick-witted. But she wouldn't speak unless I said something and would handle things on her own. ... Now that I think about it, I wish she had relied on me more."

That doesn't mean she was unfeeling.

Ignored by my father and brothers, and kept at a distance by my mother, I knew she was watching me closely and trying to understand me, even without words, in that kind of household.

Asha is the same.

He must see me as a father.

On that basis, he doesn't overstep as an emperor, steps back, and makes his own decisions and deals with things on his own.

"I wish he didn't have to be so much like her."

"......It must have been very hard for him."

Lamnia's trembling voice, filled with anxiety, must be because she's thinking about leaving a child behind.

We also have a one-year-old daughter.

If something were to happen now, she would grow up without remembering her mother's face, just like Asha.

"What can I do for Asha?"

"Your Majesty......"

I haven't done anything yet.

Not only does Asha not blame me, but he even pushes me to strengthen my power as an emperor.

Yet, when I learned that a plan to make him happy was being used for ill, I could only hold my head in my hands in shame.

"I heard from Helkoff and the others that Asha said the vacation to the imperial villa should go ahead without him, and now, I thought we could go together......"

"That was also......I'm sorry."

Previously, Lamnia had been wary of Asha and refused family trips.

That's why I suggested and planned a family trip now, thinking it might be possible.

Asha has endured so much.

He has shown that he doesn't aim for the throne.

Yet, they are trying to exclude even his existence, resorting to the absurd measure of dispatching troops against an eleven-year-old.

"Asha said to use this situation to our advantage, but I can't bring myself to do that yet."

"Yes, I understand that it's right, but it's too hard on Asha......"

As an emperor, I know I should use it to my advantage.

I should strengthen my power so that this never happens again.

But the power that can only be achieved by sacrificing a child only makes me feel more pitiful.

I wonder if it's wrong, both as an emperor and as a father.

I think so, but I can't come up with a better way to use or solve the situation than what Asha suggests.

"Asha says he will return, but when? No, how about calling him back in a year?"

"Yes, but that will also be obstructed. We need a reason, ah, how about preparing for his enrollment in the Luciusaria Kingdom's academy?"

"Ah, right. That's it."

He's eleven now and will be twelve in a year.

If he returns and prepares for a year, he will be fourteen when it's time to enroll.

"The problem is to prevent interference until then."

Thinking about it, Asha's suggestion to get concessions from the dukes this time is useful.

I know what Duke Lucaios has been doing.

He tries to keep me busy so I can't move.

Duke Eurasion does something similar, delaying things by pulling strings in various places.

There are also factions that try to hold me back and those that follow the tide.

There are those who never move but will act if their authority is threatened, so it's not just the two dukes.

But I can't talk about it without restraining the two dukes.

"The one who will strongly oppose Asha's enrollment will be Duke Eurasion, not my father. His son is the same age as Asha. He will be very concerned about the attention and treatment Asha will receive upon enrollment, so he will try to prevent it from the start."

Lamnia is much more familiar with the upper class and understands their nature.

This is the education she received as a duke's daughter, something I lack.

I can't tolerate interference with Asha from Duke Lucaios.

But it's complicated to think that Duke Lucaios also raised and made Lamnia my wife.

"Is it okay? You'll be scolded by your father again."

"......I can think of it as atonement."

Lamnia answered in a low voice, looking down.

"I was shocked to learn about Asha's life. And when I realized it was even worse, I felt dizzy with the depth of my own sin."

Asha doesn't know his mother's face and has endured so much, yet he hasn't been rewarded.

"Yet, he smiles and calls the children his brothers...... Has that child ever been selfish? He's such a good child, and because of that, I compare him to Terry and the others. Perhaps he didn't even know how to be spoiled."

I've thought the same thing.

Terry, Werner, and Fer report to me proudly when something happens, but Asha chooses to remain silent.

To be praised by a parent, to boast.

I only recently realized that I didn't allow that small happiness for him, and I'm a terrible parent.

"Lamnia, instead of atonement, can you help me think of something we can do for Asha?"

"Is that okay? I refused to be Asha's mother."

"But you are still my wife. I'm not a good parent in many ways. Please, tell me what we can do for Asha."

I regret it too.

I might be even more at fault for not being a father.

Lamnia looked up at me, hesitated, and then nodded.

"Then, when Asha returns safely, let's have a family trip this time. We should show my father that interfering will only make him more aggressive and harder to handle. This might make him consider a more conciliatory approach."

"Right, we need to change the direction from trying to exclude Asha to something else."

"More importantly,"

Lamnia paused, then lowered her gaze.

"I think the gentle Asha will be very happy about a family trip."

"......Yes, that's right."

To gain power as an emperor and to be a shield against the duke's schemes as a father.

But most importantly, I want to make Asha happy.

That's the most fundamental and important thing.

"Thank you, Lamnia."

"No, I haven't done anything yet......"

When I hugged my wife, who is ten years younger, I saw her ears turn red like a girl's.

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(End of 1500 Bookmarks Celebration)